Wash Your Mouth Out with Soap

Low-Key Middle Fingers: Using Language as a Form of Resistance

When you were a kid, did your mother ever threaten to wash your mouth out with soap if she caught you swearing?

I’d like to suggest we bring that back—metaphorically, of course. To be clear, I’m not talking about four-letter words; I love those. I’m talking about the language we use to describe human behavior. Specifically, the language we use as a weapon against ourselves.

The status quo is a sneaky little thing. It lives in our metaphors. It’s so entrenched that even the people we admire most—the ones literally fighting the power—still use the power’s dictionary.

I am a total fangirl of congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She is brilliant, fierce, and a beacon of hope. So, when I saw a clip of her being asked about the public falling out between Donald Trump and Elon Musk where she responded with a smirk and the phrase, “Oh man, the girls are fighting,” I had to take a minute.

I was hurt. I was insulted. And then I was fascinated.

Think about the mechanics of that insult: to demean two of the most powerful egomaniacs on the planet, we reach for a trope that equates “girlhood” with “pettiness.” It shows you just how deep the patriarchal rot goes when even our heroes use women as a shorthand for “weak” or “ridiculous.”

This isn’t about “bad people,” it’s about a bad operating system that we’ve all downloaded. We’ve been conditioned to think that when men act like entitled, temperamental toddlers, the best way to insult them is to call them “girls.” I mean, really?! Nothing could be more of an insult to girls than comparing them to those two.

Once we start seeing the status quo for what it is—a system that does not have our best interests at heart—we can give it the middle finger. Then we can nurture our relationship with our fear, our courage, and our intuition to create a better operating system.

These relationships are the keys to living our truth and are at the core of what I call a Joybellion. As I write in my upcoming book, Joybellion: Transforming Midlife Insignificance into Freedom, Power, and Everyday Magic:

“When the outside world tries to define our worth, we respond with joy and rebellion. A joybellion happens when intuitive courage meets quiet disobedience. We trust our intuition—however we experience it—and have the courage to follow her lead. That’s joy. Giving the status quo a low-key middle finger? That’s rebellion.”

We’ve been living upside down. We’ve been conditioned to fear our own power, and our language reflects that. The other day it hit me that I’ve been referring to genitalia an awful lot in my writing. The realization freaked me out until I sat with it. My intuition was guiding me to these words as a direct response to a system that throws these symbols in our faces as shorthands for strength and weakness.

Let’s look at the biology, shall we? Pussies are stronger than balls, people. One is designed to bring life into the world through an incredible feat of endurance and expansion; the other shrinks if it gets hit by a cool breeze. Yet, we use “pussy” as a synonym for weak and “having balls” as a synonym for courage. It’s a linguistic scam! When we use language this way, we devalue women so that those in control can stay in power.

It’s time to reach for the soap.

Questioning language is a form of protest. How are we supposed to strive for a world of mutual respect when we use our own gender as a punching bag?

You might think, “It’s just a phrase, what’s the big deal?” But language is the architecture of our reality. It’s pervasive. It’s powerful. The day after I heard AOC use that phrase, I was on a workshop call with a woman I consider a spiritual, progressive feminist. She repeated AOC’s comment. The virus had spread.

So, let’s kill the virus:

The Mess: Go about your day and notice what’s messy—where language is used to minimize or degrade others. Spot it in the media; commercials provide endless opportunities to see men portrayed as bumbling idiots and women as nagging caretakers. Look for these tropes in your casual conversations.

The Soap: When you hear comments like “the girls are fighting” or “don’t be a pussy,” mentally (or out loud, if you’re feeling spicy) reject it. Wash that phrase out and replace it with the truth.

I personally like replacing “grow some balls” with “grow a pussy.”

Shaping culture toward the light is as simple—and as difficult—as being aware of the words we choose. It’s how we detach from the status quo’s verbal conditioning and strengthen our relationship with self. Let’s stop demeaning the very strength we need to save the world.

I’m curious: What’s a phrase you’re ready to wash out with soap? Or better yet—what’s your favorite ‘Joybellious’ replacement for a status quo trope?

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