No Balls, Only Pussies: Why Men Aren't Invited to This Party

A story about invisible conditioning, necessary boundaries, and the courage to create space for women to speak freely

Jun 19, 2025

Years ago, when I first started working on my relationship with fear, I find myself in Santa Monica inside a community library with standing room only.

Arianna Huffington is going to talk about her book On Becoming Fearless.

I scan the room. Ninety-five percent women. We’ve all come to learn how to be more fearless in our own lives.

Arianna finishes her talk. Invites questions.

What happens next floors me.

First question: man.

Second question: man.

Third question: man.

Despite being outnumbered 10 to 1, every. single. question. comes from the men.

I look around, wondering if anyone else notices a handful of men holding court while an entire room of women learning about fearlessness—stays silent.

Including me.

I want to raise my hand: “Does anyone else see what’s happening here?” But I don’t. Because even though I'm there to learn about fearlessness, I too was operating from the same societal conditioning that made speaking up feel unsafe.

The Invisible Force Field

I share this story to shine a light on something I've witnessed countless times since: when men are present, women often subconsciously defer.

It's never discussed. Never decided. It just is—conditioning so deep it's invisible.

The energy shifts. Focus turns toward him. His opinions become the center of gravity, even when he's vastly outnumbered.

This isn't about blame. We've been conditioned for centuries to default to this dynamic, and when behavior is this ingrained and automatic, we need intentional spaces to practice new ways of being.

Creating Space for Disobedient Behavior

I've made Midlife Joybellion a space for women to practice disobedient behaviors surrounded only by female energy. We bond by encouraging each other to go against the grain of what we're expected to do, in favor of what we truly want.

This practice is hard enough on its own. Adding male opinions or energy while we embark on this journey? That's an obstacle that I'm not interested in tackling here.

Quite frankly I don't want to use up energy considering opinions from people whose reality is completely different from ours, especially as we age.

The Rules of This Space

Men can subscribe and observe. No likes. No comments. Think of it as practice in listening without needing to be heard.

Men who are brave enough are always welcome to recommend Midlife Joybellion to the women in their lives.

Share Midlife Joybellion

The Point of All This

I still have moments of struggle with this stance. A small voice questions my right to exclude men. Good. That voice is exactly why this space needs to exist.

You can't call something Midlife Joybellion without walking the rebellious walk yourself.

In my forthcoming book Joybellion (2026), I dive deeper into the societal language that keeps us contained—including how we misuse the words 'balls' and 'pussies'. But for now, we practice here—in this space where women's voices take up all the room.

Before you go: What's a moment when you stayed silent and later wished you'd spoken up? Share it below. Let's practice taking up space together.

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