I love this. I am 100% sure that most of the times when a woman thinks she is sad, she is actually RAGING. One of the biggest scams of patriarchy was convincing everyone that women are more emotional, while reserving anger as an emotion for men only. Let's reclaim it!
I read that same Maria Cassano piece about predators choosing targets by gait, not appearance, and it brought back something I'd completely forgotten. I lived in NYC in my 20s, I'd read something similar back then and started deliberately changing how I walked home from work alone at dusk, making myself look aware, confident, like someone who'd fight back, not someone who looked vulnerable. I hadn't thought about that in years until her piece brought it right back. Reading yours, I realize that instinct was already the thing you're describing here, rage and confidence worn on the outside, as armor and as power, long before I had language for it.
Wow fascinating to start connecting the dots like that. I'm curious about how your experience of being out in public changed once you made the conscious decision in your 20s to change how you walked. Did you feel safer, stronger, more confident. Was it a process to that? Or did you fake it while still feeling vulnerable?
What's deep is how when we do this for physical protection it then translates to so many other situations. Thank you for sharing your story.
I had to think about this, but looking back it did make me feel stronger and more confident. Thats around the time someone told me to hold my keys on the key ring beween my fingers so I could use them as a weapon if needed. Clearly neither of these things made me safe, but I felt at least I was doing something proactive and felt good about it. And yes, still felt vulnerable, almost 40 years later that hasn't changed.
I have flipped the script a few times on men. I once was walking home from a party and a guy who had followed me before started following me again. I turned around and screamed "are you following me!!! Are you! Are you! Because I'm not in the mood!" LOL I proceeded to stop and watch him walk by me and then followed him!! Thanks for this piece of your life.
As someone who has been cursing out men who violate my space for decades, I feel seen. Just had to do it a few days ago while pet-sitting a friend’s cats. Weirdo neighbor tried to police me. 🙄
Well hello fellow sister comfortable with expressing her anger. :) Sigh to the weirdo neighbor but I do believe when we call them out they have second thoughts the next time they think about doing it so we are being of service. lol
I'm really inspired by how you handled each of the stories you shared. Thank you for creating space for our rage to come out. We have been shamed for far too long.
I was always a woman that would lose her shit, but not always in the best times. I have learned to use the power for good and not to blow up my relationships.
Yeah, anger can definitely do damage. But for most women, the conditioning to be 'nice' runs so deep they don’t even know what their anger feels like, let alone how to use it. I love that you’ve harnessed that power for good. May we all follow in your footsteps!"
I love this. I am 100% sure that most of the times when a woman thinks she is sad, she is actually RAGING. One of the biggest scams of patriarchy was convincing everyone that women are more emotional, while reserving anger as an emotion for men only. Let's reclaim it!
So interesting. So because she can’t express her anger she resorts to sadness. What a BS scam we’ve been handed. Yes to reclaiming our rage.
I read that same Maria Cassano piece about predators choosing targets by gait, not appearance, and it brought back something I'd completely forgotten. I lived in NYC in my 20s, I'd read something similar back then and started deliberately changing how I walked home from work alone at dusk, making myself look aware, confident, like someone who'd fight back, not someone who looked vulnerable. I hadn't thought about that in years until her piece brought it right back. Reading yours, I realize that instinct was already the thing you're describing here, rage and confidence worn on the outside, as armor and as power, long before I had language for it.
Wow fascinating to start connecting the dots like that. I'm curious about how your experience of being out in public changed once you made the conscious decision in your 20s to change how you walked. Did you feel safer, stronger, more confident. Was it a process to that? Or did you fake it while still feeling vulnerable?
What's deep is how when we do this for physical protection it then translates to so many other situations. Thank you for sharing your story.
I had to think about this, but looking back it did make me feel stronger and more confident. Thats around the time someone told me to hold my keys on the key ring beween my fingers so I could use them as a weapon if needed. Clearly neither of these things made me safe, but I felt at least I was doing something proactive and felt good about it. And yes, still felt vulnerable, almost 40 years later that hasn't changed.
I have the audacious dream that one day we be able to walk around in the world without feeling vulnerable. 💕
I have flipped the script a few times on men. I once was walking home from a party and a guy who had followed me before started following me again. I turned around and screamed "are you following me!!! Are you! Are you! Because I'm not in the mood!" LOL I proceeded to stop and watch him walk by me and then followed him!! Thanks for this piece of your life.
What’s so unexpected from reading women’s comments is the joy I get from their examples of “not being in the mood” lol. Thanks for sharing.
As someone who has been cursing out men who violate my space for decades, I feel seen. Just had to do it a few days ago while pet-sitting a friend’s cats. Weirdo neighbor tried to police me. 🙄
Confrontation is sometimes necessary.
Well hello fellow sister comfortable with expressing her anger. :) Sigh to the weirdo neighbor but I do believe when we call them out they have second thoughts the next time they think about doing it so we are being of service. lol
I love the idea of the rage salon. Checking my calendar to see if I can make it.
Wonderful. Although people may not believe it, there will be joy infused throughout. Hope to see you. :)
This essay actually made me feel better about myself - made my rage feel seen. Thank you so much for this.
This really warms my heart. Thank you for sharing. 💕
This is brilliant! Thank you. 🙌
Thank you.
I'm really inspired by how you handled each of the stories you shared. Thank you for creating space for our rage to come out. We have been shamed for far too long.
Thank you Jessie. I look forward to normalizing our rage. It will be the patriarchy's downfall. :)
I was always a woman that would lose her shit, but not always in the best times. I have learned to use the power for good and not to blow up my relationships.
Yeah, anger can definitely do damage. But for most women, the conditioning to be 'nice' runs so deep they don’t even know what their anger feels like, let alone how to use it. I love that you’ve harnessed that power for good. May we all follow in your footsteps!"
“True that” pissed off at my job before I retired. Nobody else could understand it.
We understand it.
God. I just love a woman who loses her shit. Yes.
hahahahahaha